10,000 Hunt Easter Eggs Dropped From Sky (news item)

“I started getting elbowed in the head and stuff. So, I just started diving over moms.”
— J.P., Rochester, NH
Even Jesus Bunny himself must have cringed
when the first wave of a few thousand kids
came running and screaming
like a plague of locusts
toward the scattering of plastic eggs
onto the broad, winter-worn expanse
of the Rochester Fairgrounds.
It was quite a scrum,
no “hunting” actually required.
The Next Level Church
wanted to “get its message out”
via free plasma TVs and skateboards
and thousands of colored plastic eggs
dropped from the heavens by helicopter,
just like they dropped that first time
into the garden near Golgotha
when the mourning women
found Jesus Bunny’s tomb empty.
It is a complex theology,
even without taking into account
the controversial Gnostic references to
marshmallow, the excisions from Leviticus
about the proper use of leftover ham, and
the reasoning behind deviled eggs’ not being satanic,
and the famous fragment of an Aramaic treatise
on the design and wearing of bonnets.
It is a hard faith, but these
are hard times.  Grab as many eggs
as you can, brothers and sisters;
Jesus Bunny died for this melee,
so make sure to remember Him
when Claude LeBlanc’s mom
mows you down in His name.

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